The authors of our book write, “A process is dynamic, ongoing, and continuous (not static, at rest or fixed).” While reading Chapter 2, I was aware that quite often the conflicts, communication and relationships I have with those closest to me are often static.
There are many reasons for this, including that not all in my family are at the same level of emotional maturity and therefore are sometimes closed to resolving conflicts. In addition, personally and in all honesty, I have to admit that I contribute to a non-process methodology within my family because I’ve always had an issue with having to be right and having the last word. Although I didn’t like to hear my dad tell me this when I was young, I had to admit to myself even back then that it was true. As I’ve gotten older, I still recognize this in myself. When I can’t accept another’s viewpoint because I think mine is the only accurate one, I am definitely not taking a process-oriented approach to communication, relationships and conflict.
As far as how I can change my thinking, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s for the better for each member of my family if we all make communication, relationships, and conflict within our family “dynamic, ongoing and continuous,” and that this starts with changing my own thinking.
I know a lot of people that can accept other’s viewpoints but they still think theirs is the most accurate one. On certain things I feel the same way. I completely think my way is way better then what they are thinking. I also am always reminding myself that not everyone thinks the same why I do. Then when they say how they are feeling, or what they are thinking I am thinking to myself, why are they thinking like that? And that is definitely not the best way to some your problem. Half the time I think that they just like to keep fighting and arguing with that person so they think of ways to “solve the problem” even though they’re really not.
ReplyDeleteI appreciated how you pointed out that within a family there are different maturity levels (i.e. conflict management skills). I have often found it frustrating that even if you are using all of the correct conflict management techniques, if those that you are communicating with have no understanding of how to handle conflict, you frequently end up in avoidance mode trying to keep the peace. Or worse, escalating into a full blown violent confrontation despite employing all of the correct techniques. It seems that both parties must not only be interdependent, but also be willing to learn how to handle conflict better.
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