Years ago, after I broke up with an alcoholic boyfriend of a seven year relationship, I did not see the need to forgive him for the abuse he piled on me when he was drinking. I moved from Southern California to Northern California to make a clean start.
I neither saw the need to forgive him nor did I even want to forgive him. I nurtured my hurt feelings as I slowly rebuilt my self-esteem, which had taken quite a beating. However, in coming to terms with ending the relationship and building my self-esteem, I discovered that in order to find peace and the ability to form a trusting relationship with another person, I would need to forgive my previous boyfriend. Realizing that the heavy drinking contributed to the way he acted toward me freed me to forgive him and let the hard feelings go.
I did forgive him, but still did not see the need to reconcile with him because I neither needed nor wanted him any longer in my life.
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