Within the last couple of months, false attributions I made about my husband exacerbated a conflict situation. Since he hadn’t done the vacuuming he usually does over the weekend, I asked him to do it the next Tuesday when he had no other obligations. I called to let him know I was on my way home and he told me he hadn’t vacuumed and wasn’t going to that day because he was online taking a course for personal enrichment. To myself, I thought “he’s just being lazy.” I told him that from now on I would insist that he does the vacuuming on Sunday no matter what else he had to do, and that it wasn’t fair that I did my chores and he didn’t do his. He broke in to say “Good for you” and hung up. I stayed angry on the way home only to come home to a wonderful dinner he had taken most of the day to prepare because he knew I was tired that day.
On the other hand, there are many times when I’ve made accurate attributions about the other person in a conflict that has helped me. If another person is short-tempered and gets into a conflict situation with me; I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and figure that something must have happened that upset them that day, or they are tired or frustrated about something. I try not to take the conflict personally. Many times I will find out later that I was right when the person comes back to apologize for getting upset with me because something else had upset them or they were tired or upset.
Oh the chores! I liked your openness to share this story since it happens every day to numerous households. It is interesting to listen, read, and share the differences and similarities of the mundane tasks we all achieve to do. My boyfriend and I have a bit different approach. In the beginning of us living together we already had a really great idea as to how helpful we were to one another. However, once you live under the same roof and share those responsibilities it changes the dynamic a little. We always take turns making each meal, and when I’m in school or he’s in school we take on the role to cook for each other. The trash and the bathroom duties seemed to full into each other’s lap. He was better at the trash and I the bathroom, but we still chip in when needed. We never assigned chores because we felt rules weren’t necessary, and we’d help as a team. It is nice to hear you kept an open mind, and forgive
ReplyDeleteI think we have all experienced situations like the one you described and it always makes you feel guilty in the end. That is very thoughtful though of your husband to make you a nice dinner after a long day. How sweet J
ReplyDeleteI think that most people take their frustrations out on those who are closest to them. I often get the brunt of my mom’s frustrations after she’s had a hard day and am guilty of doing this to my boyfriend at times as well (though I try not to!). I agree with you that it is best to not take these instances personally as they often end up regretting it in the end.
I think the story about your husband is really cute. I feel that sometimes when we are angry, we are human and tend to make false accusations. It is typical for you to be very tired and be angry when something does not go your way. I love how you thought your husband was being lazy when he made you a romantic dinner. It just comes to show that sometimes we need to learn how use the S-TLC method on a daily bases. We need to know the situation and ask questions before we judge anyone’s actions. This I bet was a lesson learned.
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