The concepts from this week’s readings that stood out for me were core relational rules and relational transgressions. The authors of our book state that “Core relational rules define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us,” and that these rules are “sacred” to us. Relational transgressions are violations of these core relational rules.
I have a friend who, after several years, still has not forgiven her brother for continuing to be friends with her ex-boyfriend, which has resulted in their alienation from one another. I now better understand why my friend feels this way. One of her relational rules is obviously that when she is hurt severely by someone, her family needs to support her 100 percent, which she didn’t feel her brother was doing by continuing to be friends with her ex-boyfriend.
However, according to the authors of our book, “forgiveness (is) related to our psychological health…(and) our physical health.” Since my friend has been in poor health since her break-up and since it’s her brother who she hasn’t forgiven, I feel that she needs to forgive him and reconcile with him so that they can once more have a relationship that is worthwhile for both of them, which hopefully will lead to a healthier life for her.
Hi Lee,
ReplyDeleteI actually have a friend in a situation similar to yours. My boyfriend’s sister recently broke up with her boyfriend of five years, which made for a sticky situation as he also maintains a close relationship with her brother. Once she made the difficult decision to end the relationship, she received backlash from both her brother and mother who felt bad for her boyfriend instead of her. She took offense to this as she felt as though they should be taking her side, regardless of the circumstances.
I agree that your friend should definitely consider forgiving her brother, especially if her health has been poor as life is far too short to hold grudges, especially against family. I just hope she realizes that before it’s too late
That is tough....my family has this saying that family are the people that will be there for you no matter what. It's hard when you feel like your family does not support you and that they don't have your back. I feel where she is coming from though, if I felt like my brother thought it was more important to be friends with my ex than support me I would be pissed. I have never been that mad at an ex that I would that furious if my brother was friends with them but I feel like family should support you no matter what.
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