I have heard parents tell me that they teach their children using strict discipline when I think it borders on abusive behavior. So I do think people overstep the authority they believe they have to punish their child. On the other hand, I have heard parents tell me that they teach their children using strict discipline when I think the discipline is entirely appropriate. I believe the difference lies in exactly what the strict discipline entails, and why it is used instead of other methods of discipline.
Many people consider spanking strict discipline. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” goes back to Proverbs 13:24 in the Bible. Some people have taken this to mean that corporal punishment is not only acceptable, it is required in order to properly bring up a child. In the U.S., spanking is not illegal, but injuring the child is. I have spanked my children, but only when their safety was involved, such as when they ran into the street, and only when they were so little that reasoning with them wouldn’t work. I have seen children spanked at the slightest bit of misbehavior, and shuddered when it looked like that was the only discipline they would get. How can they learn anything from that except that it’s okay to hurt someone who’s smaller than you?
There are other ways strict discipline can be used besides spanking. Never bending strict rules set by a family and always disciplining those that break those rules can be considered strict discipline by people who have a more relaxed view of parenting. Who’s to say which is the better way?
I believe the difference between punishment and discipline of a child is that punishment is done to a child and discipline is done with a child. Punishment leaves a child angry and just as likely to do the offending behavior again, although the child will probably be careful not to let the punishing parent know they are repeating the behavior because they don’t want to get hurt again. Discipline includes working with the child to help them see that their behavior was not appropriate and why it wasn’t, and includes sharing what the appropriate behavior should have been so that the child learns how to behave the next time around.
I liked the way you said discipline is working with the child and punishment is done to a child. I have kids and I also get frustrated at times, but still I have to keep my cool while handling them. However stressed I am as a parent I have to be aware of my limits. You should see the Nanny 911 reality show, which shows how people interpret the no spanking rule in western countries. Kids behave obnoxiously, they back answer, they do not listen or respect their parents, they become aggressive, hit the siblings and parents are desperately seeking for help because of their incompetent parenting at home. That is when the nanny 911 steps in to teach the parents in first place to use their authority sensibly to discipline the kids at home which doesn’t mean spanking but taking time to teach and train the children about how to do things without getting hyper. She shows how to tame wild kids with love and affection. In fact there are also counseling programs conducted by institutions like Kiaser Permanente to teach new parents to deal with difficult children intelligently.
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