The authors of our book promote resolving conflicts in a manner that is mutually advantageous to all involved. They state that this “usually first requires that partners increase their range of perspectives, solutions or alternatives.”
This concept appealed to me because in dealing with people, I try to live by an American Indian quote that goes, “Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” I can’t judge someone for their behavior because I can’t know what’s behind it. A behavior may appear abhorrent to me, but I can’t judge the person based on their behavior because I can’t know why they are doing it. I can and do believe the behavior is wrong, but I can’t call the person a bad person. It’s the behavior, not the person, which is bad, and I can’t know why the person behaved in such a way because I haven’t “walked in their moccasins.”
How this relates to our reading this week is that developing mutual understanding requires understanding the perspective of the other person and trying to see the issue as the other person sees it. Looking at it from the other person’s viewpoint also lets me see what he or she wants out of a situation and perhaps find a solution that benefits both of us. Or, as the book suggests, understanding where the other person is coming from can help me work with the person to help him or her define the issue differently, although this seems a manipulative to me unless I try also to look at the issue differently.
…understanding where the other person is coming from can help me work with the person to help him or her define the issue differently, although this seems manipulative to me unless I try also to look at the issue differently.
ReplyDeleteThat manipulative element is something that has bothered me for a long time in studying various forms of communication. I believe it is particularly rampant in marketing/advertizing but also common in everyday conflict scenarios. This is particularly true when one communicator has a higher awareness of conflict techniques than the other person. It is like someone once said, “I know just enough to be dangerous”. As you put it, “trying to look at the issue differently”, implies empathy. And there is no substitute for genuine caring about another person’s concerns. Although it does seem that practicing the techniques can create a new awareness in the practitioner which can naturally lead to a deeper caring attitude. Even if the awareness happened without intent, the results can still be positive. However, there will always be those who intentionally abuse the techniques and we should be cautious both of being victimized by them and becoming one of them.
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I never heard the quote, “Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” I agree with you that we should not judge others by their first appearance. We should get to know the person before we make assumptions. There are knowledge able people in today’s world. We should take the time to meet new people. If one were to judge others, he or she will not be people to create a strong network. Moreover, networking is essential with commutation. There are different views, personalities, and backgrounds. This can benefit us in the future by taking the time to meet people.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I'd also add that developing a mutual understanding automatically requires a mutal respect between individuals. I find that in conflict a mutal understanding is a result of clear level heads and a respect for oinions that differ from your own. I loved the quote you used because who are we to judge others especially without knowing who they are. But on a day to day basis we unfortunately live our lives on a pedestal constantly critizing and demoting others around us based on their opinions, beliefs, appearance, etc. But like you said we should never criticize until "you've walked a mile in his moccasins," and we should always have respect for others around us.
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